How to Talk to a Parent About Moving to a Memory Care Community: 7 Tips for a Compassionate Conversation

Talking to those we love most about a change in their lifestyle can sometimes feel like an overwhelming challenge. You want the best for them, and you want to make sure the subject is handled with respect, empathy, and patience. Here are some tips on talking to a parent about a move to a memory care community.

Moving a parent to a memory care community: what to keep in mind

1. Do your homework. If you’re just beginning to consider taking on this responsibility, take the time before you initiate any conversation to do your homework. Research senior living memory care online. Consider talking to a gerontologist or geriatric care manager about the advantages of memory care. Look up a specific memory care community and read the entire website, from specifics on care to memory care dining to wellness programs to the reviews family members have posted.

Related: How to Find and Research Senior Living Communities Near Me

2. Don’t put it off. If your parent is just beginning to show signs of cognitive decline, start the conversation. You might ask what he or she would want in a supportive lifestyle; what would really put them at ease, such as more friends around who understand what they are going through, more daily care and attention, and the reassurance someone is always available at night.

3. Empathy is key. Keep their welfare at the forefront of the conversation and reinforce that you are concerned for their health and wellbeing, and you want what is best for them. Let them know how much you care and that you recognize they deserve the very best attention, nutrition, personalized care, and quality of life. Give them the opportunity to respond; patience is key in any discussion about moving to a memory care community.

4. Listen to what your parent says. If Mom is still able to communicate her thoughts to you in a way that you can understand, give her the time to say how she feels about living somewhere new. Encourage her to share her feelings and tell you what worries or concerns she might have. Let silence sit if necessary; she might need time to get her thoughts in order to answer. Or she might be hesitant to say she has reservations. Don’t try to cover everything in one conversation.

5. If possible, visit a memory care community with your parent so they can get a feel for the environment. Let them meet staff and observe an activity, peek inside the dining area, check out outdoor spaces, and more. It’s possible your parent would appreciate being around others dealing with the same challenges, seeing how senior living memory care offers them a good quality of life, and that they no longer have to rely solely on you as their caregiver if that is giving them anxiety or guilt.

Related: Making an Informed Choice: Questions to Ask About Senior Living

6. Talk in terms of the present. There’s no need to suggest this move will be permanent. Instead, couch it as a temporary solution. For example: “I see you’re needing some extra help and attention, so how about you spend some time in this nice community for a bit. Just to see if you like it. You’ll have a helping hand day and night, and you can spend time with other people and maybe make a few friends. Your doctor thinks this could really help you.” Some senior living communities, like The Carriages offer respite care, which gives your loved one a chance to see what our memory care community is like.

7. Show them some examples. Your parent might reject the idea at first or not be sure what they think. Or they might picture something that’s more like an institution than today’s modern senior living memory care. Without putting pressure on them, show them a few websites, social media posts, or brochures of senior living memory care in your area and let them see how nice the lifestyle can be. This can be a good way to introduce the idea of visiting a community, so they can become more familiar with the choice and ease into it.

In addition, try to have the entire family on board before you bring up the subject of a memory care community with your parent. Whether it’s a family meeting, or a video chat, let each person have the opportunity to express their feelings and ask questions. I

If a sibling lives out of town and has not been around your mother or father for a while, they might not agree that the move is necessary. However, if you can share feedback from a gerontologist or geriatric care manager concerning your parent’s status, it will go a long way to help reach a consensus.

Throughout the process, remember to also be gentle with yourself. This path is never easy; yet when you keep in mind that the goal is always the welfare of your parent, it’s easier to stay on track. The professional, experienced staff you’ll find in your chosen memory care community is there to assist you and your family in every way. You don’t have to do this alone.

We are here to help you

If you are looking for memory care in Illinois, Georgia, or Tennessee, let us help. Our personalized care plans encompass the most important aspects of memory care for patients with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia. We look forward to working closely with you.